Have You Been Working On Your Awakening?
If you have been working towards your awakening, chances are, you are getting a clearer picture of the driving force of the world, society, your family members, and yourself. On this path of self-discovery, it is key to return to your childhood and understand your role in your family. It will help you put things into place as an adult. You could grasp easier what your parents or ancestors could have done better. You could see through society better as well.
But if you are stuck in this state of what others have done badly, you could turn sour, not taking full responsibility for your happiness. In this way, you re-create scenarios to prove the imperfections of the world and its people, until you realize this doesn’t help anyone. The more you get fed up with annoying people and events, the more of the same pattern you could experience. You would pass this feeling onto the people around you, and the next generations.
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Being Afraid Of Losing Contact With Family
The issue is that the majority of people are afraid of self-awareness, recognizing and admitting what their parents did wrong. They think if they did, they would lose being in close contact with their family members. The trouble is the human species cannot evolve by putting their heads into the sand. If we don’t evolve, we die.
This also means that most people who feel a calling towards awakening, want to recognize, understand and change these patterns. Perhaps they didn’t feel a healthy sense of belonging, love, and connection. And since there are a lot more dysfunctional family patterns than healthy ones, this could often be the case. So these people tend to search for answers in their awakening process.
Many people cannot imagine taking a break from their family members, and that truly objectively evaluating their patterns can bring them closer to their families. Because you understood why the family patterns made you feel and act a certain way. Only putting the pieces of the puzzle together can bring healing. Many factors influence why some families have to go through this hardship, while others don’t.
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When You Are Holding On Tight
When you can’t take a break from your family for fear of what they will think or feel like losing them for good, even though you cannot stand seeing their detrimental patterns anymore, you could feel quite stuck. Like a boat being surrounded by thick ice, unable to move in any direction. Not many things can be as frustrating as dealing with family members who are unwilling to work together toward improved dynamics and your growth together.
Then, you should consider, if connecting with your family gives you so much pain, how about giving this negative cycle a break? You don’t have to give it a time frame, rather you should check with your emotions what feels truly good to you at this time? You don’t have to have a plan when you contact them again. It’s helpful to journal in this process writing down your arising memories, feelings, triggers, and emotions. You’ll know when the time comes to return.
Chances are, you have been putting their well-being ahead of yours for good, so feel free to break free from that now. Show them you stand strong without them, and a break could only do good for everyone when you end up being so wary of each other. Indeed, it is the best thing you can do in such a situation. You will not only have more clarity when you return but feel empowered, quickly recognizing when to be more assertive about your boundaries.
Our Polarized Contradictions: Light And Darkness
Humans today don’t want to face the hard reality. Has anyone taught you not to look at the world only in black and white? And that a very good person can do pretty evil things just like a very bad person could do great deeds? Like the world-famous Brazilian spiritual healer, John of God, who had been a sex offender for many decades without being arrested earlier! And when someone who has done a lot of fraud, donates large amounts of money to the needy…
But we think good people can only do great deeds, and bad people do awful stuff. The truth is that our world is full of contradictions. We all have those opposing two sides in us to some extent, how much they come to life and how much harm they cause is a question of self-discipline. It is the inner animal within us that we need to control. The best example for this, in my opinion, we have all had terrible days feeling we could kill someone. Yet, we didn’t!
Want To See The Good Or The Bad?
Thinking in contradictory beliefs and ideas causes the human psyche great distress. This is the kind of state when you can feel your head spinning, out of alignment. It also hinders your decision-making ability. It can be very hard to accept our two-faced reality. If we manage to reach a point where we see our parents as good people, we could establish mental and emotional bliss. We would need to excuse or justify their negative behavior then.
On the other hand, seeing our parents in a bad light also brings us mental and emotional harmony!! In this case, we could invalidate any of their positive patterns and feel justified by minimizing contact or cutting them off from our life fully. Trouble happens, when we can see both their positive and negative sides. Whether we like it or not, our world is full of polarities. What’s the solution to this problem?
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Solution: Accepting Polarity And Contrast
We have to reach a level of awareness, where we can hold space for the many contrasts and polarities in our world. Recognizing and accepting the very negative patterns takes time in my experience. First, you rebel and take a break. You could throwback all the bad stuff in your parents’ face. You should feel a sense of unshakable power. No matter what, you won’t allow their bad behavior anymore…
Meanwhile, you feel deeply sorry for them, as if they were your bad kids who cannot behave. And the never-ending pull within you willing to help them!! With time passing, more understanding, self-acceptance, forgiveness, and accepting your family members is possible, no matter how wounded some of them are! You reach a certain height of evolving into a state where they can’t hurt you anymore. No more fight or flight, they just slide off you. Hallelujah!!