Shake It Off: 5 Tips To Stay Calm, Cool & Collected!


Taylor Swift’s song, You Need to Calm Down, instantly comes to mind when someone approaches me all heated and worked up. I hate confrontation. I avoid it at all costs—but when I can’t, I find myself reeling for hours afterward. My mind rehashes the non-verbal communication and overthinks every little thing that was said. How much eye contact did we make? Was a simple glance mistaken for serious side-eye? If you can relate or are trying to stop losing your cool, intense conversations, here are five tips to stay calm during a confrontation. 

5 Tips To Stay Calm, Cool & Collected | 3C Is A Life Mantra!

1# Prep With A Calming Essential Oil Balm

5 Tips To Stay Calm, Cool & Collected | Prep With A Calming Essential Oil Balm

If I know I’m going to have one of those conversations; my favorite secret weapon is a calming essential oil balm. I love the wonderful blend of lavender and bergamot—the citrusy scent helps keep me grounded. Gliding it onto my wrists or temples before I head out the door puts me in a calm, relaxed mindset right from the start. Depending on how anxious I feel throughout my day, reapplying it and some much-needed breath work quickly transport me back to my happy place. 

2# Take A Breath

 Take A Breath

Seriously, breathe in…and out… Stopping to take a breath during a tense conversation gives you a second to think and helps your brain get more oxygen. If you’ve ever had a bad allergy attack, dealt with asthma, or just had a difficult time breathing after cardio, you know that struggling to breathe can mess with your head. Your thoughts might seem jumbled or even lost.

Breathwork helps center those thoughts. It allows you time to check in, stays present, and process what’s happening. In a chaotic, high-stress environment, it keeps you grounded and focused on the task at hand. Conscious breathing slows your heart rate, increases oxygen flow to your brain, and helps you feel calm and collected during stressful conversations.

3# Check Your Ego

Check Your Ego

Your ego isn’t always your best friend—an unchecked ego can become a nightmare. Often, it gets in the way of productive conversations, problem-solving, and maintaining friendships. In a confrontation, ego can make you take things too personally, not be open to feedback, or further escalate the conversation.

There’s no use being casually cruel in the name of being honest. Keep your ego in check and your criticism constructive. No one likes admitting they messed up, but we all make mistakes. Practice removing, or at least detaching, your ego when you’re met with criticism or in a tense situation. In doing so, you avoid jumping on the defense or making knee-jerk reactions that you’ll regret once the dust settles. 

Keeping your ego in check is a little harder to do if you find yourself in the middle of an unexpected confrontation. Continued practice helps you maintain your control, becoming second nature even if you’re ambushed. An empathetic ego goes a long way to find solutions to be a better version of yourself.

4# Take Responsibility 

 Take Responsibility 

It’s important to take responsibility for your reactions when you’re working through a confrontation. Try not to fall into a “look what you made me do” attitude. Blame shifting is a slippery slope. Buttons get pushed, and it‘s easy to get triggered, but don’t let those pressure points make you lose your head. An essential aspect of staying calm is self-awareness about what you can control in a situation and what you can’t. Take responsibility for your part of the conversation, especially if apologies need to be made. Owning your actions helps you stay accountable to your emotions when things get prickly. 

5# Shake It Off 

Shake It Off 

Confrontation often sticks with you. You may feel discouraged, angry, or all-overanxious. Especially if there’s lots of shade thrown, fiery words, and some raised voices. But hard conversations don’t have to ruin relationships. Shake off the frustration and remember what’s important. Whether you’re speaking up at work, sharing your truth with friends, or fighting for your family, tense times do relax. The world moves on—another day, another drama—but always be prepared with these handy tips and a calming essential oil balm. 


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